


Going Nonverbal

by a_mind_at_work



Series: Anxiety Laf [14]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, M/M, Poor LaF, anxiety attack, nonverbal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 08:44:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12908358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_mind_at_work/pseuds/a_mind_at_work
Summary: !!!TO ANYONE WHO READS STCNTA OR ELIZA'S RECOVERY!!!I'm coming back to those soon! I've been in the midst of a horrible depressive spell and could barely write, so these lil fics are me coming out of it slowly. I'll be updating those two other longer ones as soon as I feel able to, I promise. Thank you for your patience, kiddos <333





	Going Nonverbal

Lafayette couldn’t stop thinking about it. He just  _ could not stop thinking about it.  _ He had a presentation in less than an hour in his American History class and he couldn’t stop imagining the worst.

_ I get up there, and I can’t say a word. I get up there, and I stutter through the entire presentation. I get up there and I talk too fast. I talk too slow. I talk too softly. My hair looks wacky and everyone secretly laughs at me. I have toilet paper stuck to my shoe and everyone secretly laughs at me. What I’m saying is so stupid and wrong that everyone, including the teacher, starts to laugh at me.  _

He tried taking a deep breath, tried counting out his breaths, but, no matter what, he couldn’t seem to center himself. The bell rang, and the class he’d been in but paying no attention to, trig, ended. He shook as he stood. His next class wasn’t a class at all, but lunch. Lunch with all his friends. Friends who would notice something was wrong. Friends who would want to know what was wrong, who would want to help. While that sounded appealing, he didn’t want to burden them. He also didn’t want to go to the loud, noisy cafeteria. So instead he went to the library. 

He stashed himself away in a cubicle with the intention to review his presentation one more time, but instead all of his previous worries came crashing back to him. And this time, in the quiet of the library, he couldn’t will them away. 

He knew what was happening, but he didn’t know how to stop it. 

_ This is just a panic attack. You’ve had them before and you’ve always survived. This time will be no different.  _

But it was different. His words, his ability to ask for help, was gone. He wanted to call his friends, to call Herc, but when he put the phone to his ear after dialing Herc’s number, he couldn’t speak. Instead all he could do was helplessly listen as Herc kept saying “Hello, Laf? G? Are you okay? Hello?”

Lafayette wanted to cry, but he couldn’t even do that. His body and tongue were frozen as his heart pounded into oblivion and sweat dripped down his forehead. As his mind flashed images of every bad thing  _ ever  _ that could happen with this presentation. 

He was surprised when Herc simply said “I’m coming,” and hung up, but what could he do about it? What were the chances of Herc even finding him?

The room began to spin. He felt like he was dying  _ oh god he was dying, dying, dying––  _ Arms. Arms were around him, holding him close, grounding him. 

“I’ve got you,” Herc said into his neck. “You’re okay. You’re not dying. This is a panic attack and it will stop and you will be okay.” 

Laf wanted to say something, but his words died in his throat. Instead, he let Hercules hold him until the worst of it had passed. After some time, he felt his tongue reconnect to his mind, and his ability to speak flood back to him. 

“Wh-what…” he muttered. 

“It’s called going nonverbal, and it’s completely okay. It’s an anxiety thing,” Herc said. 

“I already have enough of those,” Laf mumbled. 

Herc laughed. “There’s that sense of humor I know and love.” He kissed the crown of Laf’s head. “Let’s go to the nurse. You’re in no shape to go to class.” 

“But my presentation!” Even saying the word  _ presentation  _ made him feel like he was about to throw up. “My therapist says the best way to get through anxiety is to do whatever it is that’s making me anxious.” He took a deep breath. “Herc, I have to do this.” 

Herc swallowed hard. “I… Okay.” He held out his hand. “At least let me walk you there?” 

Laf took Herc’s hand and nodded. “Please.” 

Laf still felt sick and shaky, but he also felt something else. He wasn’t sure what it was until after he gave his presentation, until after it went exceedingly well. He wasn’t sure until school was over and he was on the bus home, grateful to have finished for the day. 

Triumph, he realized. He felt triumph.

**Author's Note:**

> !!!TO ANYONE WHO READS STCNTA OR ELIZA'S RECOVERY!!!
> 
> I'm coming back to those soon! I've been in the midst of a horrible depressive spell and could barely write, so these lil fics are me coming out of it slowly. I'll be updating those two other longer ones as soon as I feel able to, I promise. Thank you for your patience, kiddos <333


End file.
